Clean up on aisle me
The Top 5 Movies of 2016
"Look at me, I'm Chris. I saw high-concept foreign cinema instead of paying to see Batman v Superman twice."
Ranking the Comic Book Movies of 2016
2016 has come and gone and somehow by the grace of God we're still alive, even if we're only living in the most literal sense of the word. There were eight comic book movies plopped into theaters last year, squeezing every red cent out of my already empty pockets. Time and time again I left the theater and opened my wallet like a Looney Toon and let the moths fly out. I'm a fat guy on the Internet, so why wouldn't I rate them? That's what I'm here for: to pick apart things that other people love to give myself a sense of purpose. I'm only doing the theatrical releases, so I'm not including the DC animated movies. Why? Because I don't want to.
Funny story, I wrote the intro last and it was only then that I remembered The Killing Joke was in theaters for one night via Fathom Events. Am I going to go back and add it? Nope. There's a review already and spoilers: it fucking sucks.
So sit back and enjoy this page sponsored by Marvel Studios, the company that pays me to talk about their amazing and ground breaking content.
A Christmas Story - In Which Chris Loses All Readers We've Gained in 2016
A Christmas Story
Directed by: Bob Clark
Starring: no one of consequence
Writers: Jean Shepherd, Leigh Brown, Bob Clark
Do I hafta?: Yeah, you hafta.
A Nightmare on Elm Street - Stay Away from Uncle Freddy's Puzzle Basement
Wherein a wisecracking high school janitor teaches kids to believe in their dreams
Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers The Movie: Part 4
Film's Climax Produces Insurmountable Mental Breakdown
Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers The Movie: Part 3
Mom so help me God if McDonald's gives me the Rocky toy one more time I will raise Hell of a biblical magnitude in that shithole and that clown won't show his face if he knows what's good for him.
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