Tales from the Crypt - And All Through the House (Season 1, Episode 2)

And All Through the House

Season 1 - Episode 2

from Vault of Horror #35

Aired June 10, 1989

Worst pun: "Be very careful of what you 'ax' for for Christmas. You might just get it."

The holiday chopping season runs late when an axe-toting maniac dressed as Santa makes a Christmas Eve visit to a philandering wife who murdered her hubby. Sorry, lady. He's not offering an escape Claus!

Face/Off - I AM CASTOR TROY

I WANT TO TAKE HIS FACE...OFF

Face/Off (1997)

Directed by: John Woo

Starring: Nicolas Cage, John Travolta 

Release date: June 27, 1997

Running time: 138 minutes

Number of 'Travolta is gay' or Scientology jokes: 0. You should be impressed. 

This is it, the end of the trilogy. If Con Air was the Star Wars of funny accents, Face/Off is the Empire Strikes Back of stupid faces.

This review is spoiler filled so if you haven’t seen it yet…

Watch this movie if: You want to see Nicolas Cage be Nicolas Cage, and then John Travolta be Nicolas Cage. And doves. 

Tales from the Crypt - The Man Who Was Death (Season 1, Episode 1)

The Man Who Was Death

Season 1 - Episode 1

from Crypt of Terror #17

Aired June 10, 1989

Worst pun: "What a re-volting development" or "I'm sure he new knew 'watt' hit him"

A shocking experience! When the death penalty is abolished, a penitentiary executioner turns freelance electrocutioner. But fate may pull a switch on this man who loves to throw the switch.

Con Air - Put the Bunny Back in the Box

WELCOME TO CON AIR

Con Air (1997)

Directed by: Simon West

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Nicolas Cage's Hair, John Cusack, John Malkovich

Release date: June 6, 1997

Running time: 115 minutes

Number of people who should have put the bunny back in the box: 1

This review is spoiler filled so if you haven’t seen it yet…

Watch this movie if: You want to see Nicolas Cage put as much work into a southern accent as he put into The Wicker Man while John Malkovich and his band of merry b-listers take over a plane. 

The Rock - Your 'Best?' Losers Always Whine About Their Best.

WELCOME TO THE ROCK

The Rock (1996)

Directed by: Michael Bay

Starring: Sean Connery, Nicolas Cage, Ed Harris, Michael Biehn, William Forsythe

Release date: June 7, 1996

Running time: 136 minutes

Number of cutaways to black extras saying things like "aw hell naw:" at least 40

This is the beginning of the greatest film trilogy of all time. Not Mad Max, not Lord of the Rings, not Star Wars, not even The Mighty Ducks. Nicolas Cage is the star of the greatest stretch of 3 movies ever witnessed by man: The Rock - Con Air - Face/Off. The only way any trilogy could ever compare is if Return of the Jedi was replaced with Godfather 2 and Michael Corleone switched faces with the fat girl from Hairspray. Enough foreplay, let’s get into the Fellowship of the Rock.

This review is spoiler filled so if you haven’t seen it yet…

Watch this movie if: You want to see a buddy cop movie where Nicolas Cage and the original James Bond save the world from the bad guy from The Truman Show and his minions Dr. Cox and The Candyman. Basically, watch this movie if you like good movies.