Horror Movies in 2017 - I'm Mad As Hell About Sequels and I'm Gonna Tweet About It

2016 was an amazing year for horror. Not only were low budget, independent studios putting out some of my favorite movies of the year, but even major studios were consistently cranking out some solid scares. I'm still riding high off that sweet, sweet adrenaline rush so I decided to compile a constantly-updating, ever expanding list of big horror releases for this year. 

This will be updated throughout the year because amazing five star movies just appear out of nowhere at a festival in Toronto or Austin or pop up on Netfilx without warning. This will consist of all theatrical releases and then a smattering of notable Netflix/Hulu/Shudder exclusives as well as direct to DVD. I won't do every single one of those because I only have a finite amount of time left in this world. 

X-Men 10: Wolverine 3: Logan

I have been dreaming of this Wolverine since I was a fat little kid watching the 90's cartoon and putting knifes between my fingers like an asshole. As a fat little adult, I can say it was worth the wait. 

An Ode to Jimmy Garoppolo

 

Clean up on aisle me

The Top 5 Movies of 2016

"Look at me, I'm Chris. I saw high-concept foreign cinema instead of paying to see Batman v Superman twice." 

Ranking the Comic Book Movies of 2016

2016 has come and gone and somehow by the grace of God we're still alive, even if we're only living in the most literal sense of the word. There were eight comic book movies plopped into theaters last year, squeezing every red cent out of my already empty pockets. Time and time again I left the theater and opened my wallet like a Looney Toon and let the moths fly out. I'm a fat guy on the Internet, so why wouldn't I rate them? That's what I'm here for: to pick apart things that other people love to give myself a sense of purpose. I'm only doing the theatrical releases, so I'm not including the DC animated movies. Why? Because I don't want to.

Funny story, I wrote the intro last and it was only then that I remembered The Killing Joke was in theaters for one night via Fathom Events. Am I going to go back and add it? Nope. There's a review already and spoilers: it fucking sucks. 

So sit back and enjoy this page sponsored by Marvel Studios, the company that pays me to talk about their amazing and ground breaking content. 

A Christmas Story - In Which Chris Loses All Readers We've Gained in 2016

A Christmas Story

Directed by: Bob Clark

Starring: no one of consequence

Writers: Jean Shepherd, Leigh Brown, Bob Clark

Do I hafta?: Yeah, you hafta.

A Nightmare on Elm Street - Stay Away from Uncle Freddy's Puzzle Basement

Wherein a wisecracking high school janitor teaches kids to believe in their dreams