Tales from the Crypt - 'Til Death (Season 2, Episode 4)

'Til Death

Season 2 - Episode 4

from Vault of Horror #28

Aired April 24, 1990
Directed by Chris Walas

Worst pun: Girls like that are pretty hard to dig up

Who do that voodoo? A scumball developer needing dough seeks occult help to land a millionaire bride.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes - Hail Caesar (Spoiler Free)

Here’s the quickest, most spoiler free review I can offer: for a minute in this movie, there’s an ape driving a tank. 5 stars.

Army of Darkness - Hail to the King, Baby

Army of Darkness (1992)

Directed by: Sam Raimi 

Starring: Bruce Campbell and Bruce Campbell 

Release date: February 19, 1933

Running time: 80 minutes

I tried to go in without thinking about the cult status or all of the hype I've heard about this movie over the years. It's one of those movies where even if you've never seen a single frame of it, it's so ingrained in pop culture that you know everything about it. You know Ash, you know the chainsaw, you know the boomstick, you know "groovy." You know most of the beats without ever even knowing who Bruce Campbell is. I tried to put all that aside and go in fresh. It's impossible to go in completely blind, but I'm only going in with a bit of knowledge about it. Most importantly the fact that it's not called Evil Dead 3 for a reason. I'm hoping it still retains a bit of the horror that made me love Evil Dead 2 so much without going completely over the top, but I get a strong feeling I'm not going to get any of it. 

Tales from the Crypt - Cutting Cards (Season 2, Episode 3)

Cutting Cards

Season 2 - Episode 3

from Tales from the Crypt #32

Aired April 21, 1990
Directed by Walter Hill

Worst pun: The fucking onslaught at the end. You'll see. 

Who’s got the losing hand…forearm…elbow? Find out in a shockingly high-stakes game of poker.

The Raid 2 - Holy Shit, You Guys. You Guys, Holy Shit. (Spoiler Free)

I still remember the first time I saw The Raid:Redemption. I lived with my parents at the time and it was about 3 in the morning when I turned it on, meaning I spent the next 100 minutes making a series of high pitched noises and squeals in an attempt to not scream JESUS FUCKING CHRIST every couple of minutes. So when The Raid 2 was announced I felt like a kid on Christmas. Between The Raid and the Safe Haven segment from V/H/S 2 I had already decided I was going to see anything Gareth Evans put out until he gave me a reason not to. It was in theaters for about 20 minutes before getting pulled, and I waited weeks after I saw HD rips posted on torrent sites just to experience it in full Blu Ray glory in my modest home theater. I’m so happy I waited.

Robocop (2014) - Bruce Wayne and Commissioner Gordon Create Batman

A reboot of a classic movie gets farted into theaters the week of Valentine’s Day - and it’s not terrible. That’s almost as impressive as actually building a real, living Robocop. 

Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014) - I Didn't Ask For My Money Back

You have a Transformers movie. You have Mark Wahlberg, who sang “The Touch” in Boogie Nights. You combine these two things - and you don’t play the song. Not even during the credits. You throw in a My Little Pony joke, but I can’t have the poooowweeeeeeeer? Fuck this.