Flight Risk: A Disaster Movie, but Not the Good Kind Like You Want

 

Written by: Jared Rosenberg
Directed by: the award-winning director of Braveheart, Apocalypto, and Hacksaw Ridge

Starring: Marky Mark, Michelle Dockery, Christopher Grace

Frankly I expect better from Mel Gibson.

Maybe I should explain that.

For all his faults, for all his alcoholism, antisemitism, sexism, racism, homophobia, alleged domestic abuse, bible-thumping, conspiracy theory mongering, anti-intellectualism, and anything else I may have missed, Mel Gibson has (or had) a modicum of talent. He's an astonishingly adept actor, he can be disarmingly funny, and he's a great director. The man just knows what movies are to supposed to look and sound like. Say what you will about him—I have and I will—he wasn't the problem with The Beaver. When I saw he was directing an action movie that takes place entirely in a plane and stars Mark Wahlberg in a bald cap, I thought it could be a lot of fun.

The problems started to emerge before Flight Risk was even released. The idea of watching Wahlberg with a southern accent on an itty bitty airplane with one of the ladies from Downton Abbey and one of the guys from That '70s Show meant it was probably going to be Good rather than good, but the image of the bald cap in the trailer was what really hooked me. As it turns out, bald caps are pretty expensive these days. The producers decided to save the $3.28 it would've cost them and instead shaved Wahlberg's head for real. It still looks ridiculous, which is a good thing for this kind of movie, but it feels wrong, somehow. I'm not saying I was hoping for a moment where he removes the bald cap to reveal he was actually a triple agent all along, but I'm not not saying that either. 

Then there was this little featurette. Remember what I said about Gibson being kinda funny sometimes? I take it back. I also need People Magazine to rescind their Sexiest Man Alive award because good gracious.

yuck!

I'm committed to seeing things through, though (translation: we decided to discuss it on the podcast after Den of Thieves 2: Pantera). The basic storyline is this: Winston (Grace), an accountant for the notorious mob boss Sacco Vanzetti, is apprehended by Deputy U.S. Marshall Madolyn Harris (Dockery) in Caribou City, Alaska. He requests to make a big, beautiful deal with her and testify against Mario Andretti in exchange for immunity and "lots of protection." In order to transfer him to Anchorage (the nearest thing to civilization), Harris hires a man claiming to be Darryl Booth (Wahlberg) to pilot a utility aircraft. Turns out "Darryl Booth" is actually "Some Other Guy," a sadistic hitman hired by Luigi Mario to kill Winston. Harris discovers this, a buncha stuff happens, and the movie mercifully ends at the 91 minute mark.

Already the scale of the movie is far smaller than Braveheart, The Passion of the Christ, Apocalypto, and Hacksaw Ridge. We're not expecting true greatness here, just some dumb fun in January. The bar really isn't that high. The problem here is you expect at least a little talent, or even just competence. The whole script feels incredibly amateurish, almost as if it was written by a child. Little thought or care was put into how people actually talk, let alone any details of how U.S. Marshalls actually operate. There are some colossally stupid moments; e.g., Deputy Harris had been put on desk duty after getting a witness killed in a previous mission; this current mission is a special favor and an opportunity for redemption. She suspects her superior officer of leaking the details of her flight and witness to Enzo Ravioli, thus allowing Wahlberg to get them. She has no proof of this, but instead blabs her inane theory to the Director of the U.S. Marshalls, who turns out to be the actual source of the leak, thus getting her superior officer—the one who got her this opportunity—killed. Harris should be in handcuffs as soon as this shoddy excuse for an aircraft lands. 

Wahlberg was always supposed to be the draw, but he doesn't live up to expectations. This isn't entirely fair, as there's too much heavy lifting for him to do to make up for all the film's shortcomings. It doesn't help that he spends half the runtime unconscious in the back of the plane, but he really offers very little. Yeah, he's a slavering psychotic sadist who doesn't care whether he lives or dies and keeps threatening to rape both of the other characters, but he doesn't come across as very intimidating. (The repeated rape threats also make the character a lot less fun than he ought to be.) He's not really the problem with the movie, though; just a problem. The problem is someone else on the plane.

Fuck this guy

The worst part of Flight Risk, by far, is the witness, Winston. It's often tempting for film critics to ascribe failures of a character to the actor, but I don't think this one's on Topher Grace, or at least not entirely. Sure, some of his idiotic quips and asides and interjections are in the script, but some of these were ad-libbed. Here's the thing, though: someone was either telling him to just keep riffing or was just letting it slide and deciding not to edit it out. When I tell you this character obstinately refuses to just shut the fuck up, understand that I mean to say he's the most irritating film character of the last 25 years. I found myself on the side of Giovanni Linguine in that I desperately wanted this guy dead. He's not funny. He's not endearing. He's just annoying. If that's what Gibson was going for, congrats Mel: you nailed it. A brief reminder: deliberately annoying is still annoying. It takes the movie from pretty embarrassing to a genuine pain to finish. 

One has to wonder: is this the worst movie directed by a former Oscar winner? That covers a lot of ground. The only one I can think of that's in the conversation would be Cats, but even that was better than Flight Risk. Cats was an easier watch, for one, and it was at least campy (in a fun, harmless way) that was able to make up for any annoying moments (like all of Rebel Wilson's scenes). This movie kinda makes you wish Hollywood had blacklisted Gibson just so you wouldn't have to see shit like this. A colossal failure on every level, Flight Risk is dead on arrival. BANG! Count it.

AND the foul